Not for the Faint of Heart
by ChElFi
Summary: Just a little ditty about Maria Hill's thoughts about love over the years. Set in my Captain Hill headverse. I don't think you need to read my other stories for this one but it does sort of reference my first two multi-chapter stories.


**A/N: Wanted to try a different writing style. It's kind of free-from, or as free-form as an obsessive like myself can get. ;) I hope you enjoy it. Please R&amp;R. :)**

* * *

Maria Hill has always believed that falling in love makes one weak. Contrary to popular SHIELD legend, the infamous Agent Chill had been in love. It left her battered and bruised, both emotionally and physically. Because, she had concluded, when it came to love, men liked to tear down and destroy. It was their nature to make a woman feel weak to make themselves feel powerful.

Tonight, though, she wonders if she wasn't wrong. She and Steve once again met up in the hellicarrier gym and he is going easy on her as they spar, but not too easy. He holds back, but only in brute force. He wants help learning different fighting methods and she is happy to oblige, and not just because she really enjoys seeing him in his sleeveless t-shirt and tight fitting sweat pants. It's because he meets her blow for blow and doesn't treat her any differently from any other sparring partner. She knows this was hard for him to adjust to, fighting with a "girl," but he's done nicely and he knows she wants him to push her, so he does. And she appreciates that he wants to help her improve as well. He wants her to be strong And, maybe, just maybe, there's something about the way he looks at her tonight when he lets her pin him, because that's not the sort of look she expects from Captain America. And suddenly it's hard to breath. Her heart is beating hard and erratically, and she wishes the stupid cameras weren't in her because what she really wants to do is lean down kiss the breath out of him. And she knows he would let her, because he loves strong women.

* * *

Maria Hill always believed that falling in love would make her weak. It would be the thing that finally broke her. It was what had nearly destroyed her in the past, why would the present be any different? So when the loser walks up to her at the bar and asks to buy her a drink she looks him up and down, and she knows exactly what type of man he is. The same as all the others she clung when she was younger, he'll cut her down, use her, possibly smack her around. But she replies favorably to him and he more leers than smiles at her and she thinks this is exactly the sort of thing she needs to remind her how weak love would have made her.

Today, though, she wonders if she hasn't been wrong. She looks up from her paperwork that she had pretended to be doing as she dismissed Steve. The door closes behind him and she forces herself to remain calm as his words ring in her mind. "I'm sorry." "I will fight for you." "I love you." And for the first time in nearly six months she starts to feel strong again, starts to feel like she can stand on her own two feet again. She breaths deeply as if she's taking a breath of fresh air. And she wants to run after him and tell him she's the one who's sorry, but there are too many people and too much work to do. And there is more risk involved than she'd like today.

* * *

Maria Hill always believed that falling in love was for the weak. It was for foolish girls who had nothing better to do than paint their faces like masks and put on airs so that some useless man might become attracted to them and rescue them, standing between them and all danger. Maria is too strong to need that. She can fight her own battles. Nice men aren't interested in that type of woman.

But today she wonders if she wasn't wrong. She stares, feeling shock and horror, though she doesn't allow it to show on her face. He's just walked into a pre-arranged meeting, a trade to get her away from this Hydra goon who has decided that presenting Captain America on a silver platter to his superiors will get him some accolades. But she didn't expect him to come, not alone, not like this. They pat him down to make sure he's hiding no weapons, and he glances at her and gives her a knowing look. And, after a week of captivity, Maria now feels very strong. She wants to smirk and ask what good they think patting him down will do, the man is a walking, breathing weapon. Too late they realize that. As Steve starts to take out the men around him, Maria pushes away the gun that's pointed to her gut and kicks back at the man holding her on her other side. Even with her hands in cuffs she can fight somewhat well, but before she can make another move, Steve grabs her wrists and easily snaps the chain between them. They turn to continue to fight against her captors. Maria grabs up a fallen gun and points it to the ceiling to fire one shot and effectively end the fight with only two of their men still standing. Steve turns and grins and her, and she sees his pride in the way she fought, at her bravery through it all, and she begins to see she was wrong.

* * *

Maria Hill always thought that love would make her less effective at her job, that her thoughts would be torn between work and feelings, that she'd no longer be able to make the tough decisions. She'd have to consult with another person and that wasn't the way her job worked. Aside from Fury, she was the law, she was the decision. Falling in love would take that away from her.

Today she has a feeling that she was wrong, because it is Steve, or it is civilians, and as his voice switches over to the private com, she hears it strong and sure, even with the knowledge of what is about to happen. "I love you." And this will hurt her, but they both know what needs to happen. "I love you, too." Then she sets the order into motion and watches the screen as the building implodes on itself looking not unlike the SHIELD research facility as the tesseract finally exploded. And she hopes that again Steve will have defied the odds even though he was essentially on top of the bomb.

* * *

Maria Hill always thought that love would give her enemies something to use against her. It would give them leverage a person in her position couldn't afford to give anyone. She thought it would make it easier to be broken under duress and torture. People in love would give up anything to protect the ones they love.

But today she knows she's wrong. Day 147 since her capture. They tell her that SHIELD had declared her dead with the rest of her team. They tell her no one will come look for her. They tell her that she is utterly alone and without hope. But today they make the mistake of showing her proof. Proof they think will break her, finally. Photos. Pictures of Steve and their daughter. Their sad faces at her graveside as they place flowers and an American flag. It must have been Memorial Day. Her daughter leaving one of her little stuffed bears. Maria makes no outward show, but inside she is smiling at the sight of them. The way Steve cradles their little girl in his arms as they cry doesn't make her weak, doesn't break her, it strengthens her resolve, reminds her why she does the work she does in the first place. It carries her through another 124 days. Until, by a fluke, the facility she happens to be held in comes under attack from SHIELD for an entirely unrelated reason. The agent who finds her tied to her cot screams out over his com that he has Maria Hill, send medical. "We thought you were dead." And soon there is a swarm of people in the room coming to see if it is true. Then medical pushes through and unties her and begins to set up an IV for fluids and administer first aid.

She doesn't notice the silence at first. She'd been so used to it. Solitary for the past month. But she notices a figure looming over her, larger than life. Then the man is on his knees, slowly reaching out a shaky hand to touch her face and see that she is real. She knows he's holding back, afraid to hurt her, as medical continues to check her over. They somehow find a way to work around him. She hopes that what she's giving him is a smile, but she can't be sure, her lips are cracked and dry. Finally, medical is done checking her and braces her to move to the gurney. But first the EMT says quietly to Steve, "It's OK to kiss her forehead." And he does and Maria feels his tears as they fall on her face, knows the love behind them. She has never felt stronger.


End file.
